 |
| Image courtesy of mizantrop.co.il |
We have all
heard about Archimedes and his famous bathtime activities of splashing around,
his wooden duck falling onto the bathroom floor with the overflow. This
discovery helped us all understand why things float and why rubber ducks are
better than wooden ones (fewer painful splinters and fewer cracked tiles). What
we have never been told is why he was in
the bath in the first place. For hygienic reasons, perhaps, but I reckon
old Archie was there as a literal and figurative displacement activity.
Probably he
should have been out shopping in the agora for that day’s dinner in Teskonotos
or Asdakopoulos. But hey, it was a hot day, the streets were full of hoi polloi and Konon the barbarian slave
was occupied clipping wifey’s toenails. Perhaps, even, he should have been
drawing up plans for some new invention to help the contemporary Athenian’s
life be that little bit more connected, more interactive, with easy-to-use
eikons. Anyhow, to postpone the dreaded moment he decided to have a bath and
pluck the hairs off his toes. He definitely was not worrying about the state of
the Athenian Oeconomy and the overbearing demands of his Teutonic masters to
reign in government spending. After all, the nothern barbarians were still
running around naked and fighting Russel Crowe and his dog Wufus on the Danube .
Whatever. First
he decided to have a nice, hot bath. No energy-efficient,
environmentally-friendly showers for this lad. And in so doing he discovered displacement and - more importantly - the displacement activity.
I am a Master of Displacement. Sometimes, when
not involved in displacement activities, I have the dubious honour of working
for one of the, gulp, world’s top 500 universities. In fact, this post is a displacement activity in itself – and so
far I have left it three times. I have convinced myself that it is imperative
that I (wet) shave
and on the way back from the bathroom look at the bed to
remind myself that, eventually, I will have to make it. Finally I had the unavoidable urge to
check that the washing machine is still going round. I love watching our
washing machine (good pronunciation practice that bit, I’ll have to use it in a
class!) but I love the old ones better. They used more water and you could see lots
of little bubbles and the clothes sloshing about, displacing the grey water.
 |
| I actually remember this type of washing machine! Image courtesy of permaculture.co.uk |
Where was I? Oh
yes, displacement. This year my commute is slightly longer than before and
involves a one-hour drive to work. I therefore need to commence the leaving
process at least two to three hours before starting work. Why? First I have to
have a shower, get dressed, have a mighty powerful hot drinking coffee and get
to the car. This obviously involves all of the above, but also might include
re-arranging the stuff in the bathroom cabinet while looking for the deodorant
I bought last week but will not need until the other, full, can has been
exhausted. Then I might also look for
the sachet of sugar that a colleague gave me to put that into my coffee instead
of using the jar of sugar in the kitchen. There then ensues a lengthy round of
checking up on emails, Facebook, etc. Finally I get into the car and drive off.
My Ford is the
best car in the world. It isn’t new, but has enough technology to keep me happily
occupied while driving. I set the fuel consumption display to show how many
miles are left before I need to fill up. This means driving at various speeds
to see how this figure rises and falls, the occasional overtaking and scanning
of the skies for traffic helicopters &c. &c. &c. Therefore, the
one-hour drive might take 45 minutes in Rammstein listening mode or it might
take 1 hour 20 minutes if I’m in end-of-the-month fuel-saving mode. It all depends.
Once at work, I
have time to check my emails (usually publicity or official university emails
that I delete unopened), chat to the admin. staff, flirt, have a coffee, peruse
our own lending library, enjoy some banter with colleagues, read a blog or two,
start listening to Radio 4 and then realise class is about to start.
The classes
themselves are a goldmine of displacement activities: I observe the idiosyncrasies
of the students and mentally note them for use at a later date; I play with the
computer (obviously after freezing the image on the projector) and, of course, reach
the day’s teaching objectives while trying to keep the students interested and
amused. Although I say so myself, I usually manage all three quite successfully.
I sometimes wonder if, in fact, work is my
real displacement activity. Classes over for the day, the whole process begins
in reverse. I –
Sorry, must go.
There’s a crooked picture on the wall facing me and I absolutley must
straighten it before going for a wander around the local supermarket to see how
much Bombay Sapphire gin costs this week – it’s a great indicator of the
pound-euro exchange rate. You could try something similar at yours, using a
bottle of Sherry or Rioja.
PS. Bombay
Sapphire is currently €21.95 in Mercadona. The pound is on the up.
No comments:
Post a Comment